Sometimes the strong hold of codependency has me down until I tap out. It is the "Miss Know It All" syndrome where I think I know what is best for other people. It has special ties to people that are close to me. I definitely have worked on this trait for many years but it still has tentacles wrapped around certain people in my life.

The strong hold is especially tight when I feel like someone is doing something wrong in their life or their behavior seems to affect me. I want to judge them, make them feel bad when I think they aren't doing what they are suppose to be (per my judgement), be sarcastic about their behavior, belittle them and undeniably punish them all in the name of helping them change. Of course there is also the thinking that if we talk about it over and over that they will get it. Why wouldn't this work? It makes me chuckle inside just saying this. This is obviously a DUH moment. How many of us respond well when people treat us this way? I know I don't.

When someone treats me like they know what is best for me, I think they are so rude and I don't want to listen to anything they have to say. It is actually hurtful because it feels like they don't entrust my own life to me and that I am not smart enough to navigate my own life.

I was taught to rescue. Growing up in an alcoholic home there is lots of chaos. A way to feel safe is to focus on other people then you don't have to focus on yourself. When you are constantly deflecting you lose sight of you and usually become resentful because you aren't getting your needs met. And you think you are "helping" someone when that is just delusion talking.

I realize it is like forcing a plant to flower. You hover over it, water it, give it food, pick off dead leaves but if it isn't its time to flower or it doesn't want to then it won't. Who made me think I could be in control of others? Well I did or was put in that role many times growing up. Sometimes people love it when you are codependent because they don't have to take responsibility for their life and it is a way for people to point the finger at you when they get annoyed with something you are doing or their life didn't turn out the way they wanted. The responsibility of their life is put on you.

Really for me all this comes down to fear. When I feel life is out of control I pick up my magnifying glass and nit pick others. If I can help them everything will be okay. The chaos will calm down and I will feel fine. It's an illusion. People will never really follow my plans for them and I'm actually glad for that. Because I hate following what other people think is best for me.

To be truthful sometimes it is scary to focus on me. I have as much to learn as the next person and sometimes it is the last thing I want to look at. That is why it is easier to look at others and how wrong they are. I can just blind myself with constant deflection but then I never live my life or enjoy my life. My happiness resides in me and I'm the only one that can make my happiness possible.

I embark over and over on this journey to focus on me. I'm really wobbly at times and can barely find my footing but other times I experience the freedom. There is a peace and love for myself that glimmers through when I can keep the focus on me. I can only make myself happy and I can only contribute to the betterment of others when I am filled up with my own self-love.

Now lets get our recipe on. This is a fun simple recipe and has a little bit of adaptogen herbs in it for those times when you are stressing and judging. Let this yummy snack help you sink into peace and self-love. You know when we are focusing on others really we need to turn to ourselves and focus some love on ourselves. Because the person that is hurting is us. Give yourself this luscious creamy snack as a treat for the amazing human being you are!

This recipe does have a couple different steps to it: making the yogurt,  making the walnuts, and pureeing the blueberries. You can obviously buy plain store bought yogurt and make the other two to cut back on time. Not to worry it'll be just as yummy. I thought it would be fun to share how to make yogurt in case anyone wants to have another foodie adventure.

**Note I do have a yogurt maker so you may need to purchase one to make your yogurt. There are also different strains that don't require a yogurt maker that you can just leave on the counter to ferment.

Yogurt Recipe
Ingredients:

• 1 quart of milk (for my yogurt maker I found 2 1/2 cups is the perfect amount but I would start with a quart and see if you have any left over)
• 2-3 Tablespoons of greek yogurt or I got my yogurt starters on Culture for Health

Instructions:
1. Heat the quart of milk to 160°. You want to keep an eye on it and take its temperature regularly to make sure you don't over heat it. Once it hits 160º pour into a glass bowl or pitcher and cool to 110º.

2. Once cooled to 110º mix in 2-3 Tablespoons of yogurt.

3. For my yogurt maker I pour the mixture into individual jars and cover it with the lid then incubate in yogurt maker for 5-8 hours.

4. Check it frequently to see if yogurt has set. You can tell it is ready when the yogurt moves away from the side in one large mass instead of running up the side. (Mine usually takes five hours).

5. Once the yogurt has set cover it and allow it to cool for two hours. After two hours put it in the refrigerator for 6 hours before enjoying. (Do save 2-3 Tablespoons to make yogurt again in a week. You do need to make it every week so it can be a commitment).

Maca Honey Glazed Walnuts
Maca is a great adaptogenic herb that helps with energy, stress and balancing your hormones. It is a favorite in my house.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups walnuts
1 tablespoon butter
3 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon of maca powder

Instructions:
1. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set to the side.

2. Melt butter over medium heat. Mix in honey and whisk in maca powder. Then add the nuts.

3. Cook over medium heat for 5 minutes, stirring often until coated and toasted.

4. Pour nuts onto the lined baking sheet and quickly separate the nuts using a spatula or fork. Let cool and enjoy on yogurt or as a snack.

Blueberries and Chia Seeds
 
Ingredients:
1 cup of fresh blueberries
2 - 4 Tablespoons of chia seeds (use as little or as much as you would like)

Instructions:

1. Puree the blueberries in a blender until smooth. (The blueberries coagulate when you put them in the fridge. You just have to mix it up well if you put it in the fridge before using it.)

2. Assemble yogurt bowl with yogurt, walnuts, blueberry puree and chia seeds.

Do one of these recipes, all of them at once but most importantly  make it easy and work for you. It is a great way to start using your intuition for what is best for you. The more we focus on ourselves the more we make the world a better place.

I think I was born with a compassionate heart but I'm sure a lot of children are. When I was young I wanted to adopt ten children, become a pediatrician and open up free clinics all over the world. My mom thought I was crazy and would try to reason with me about the all the faults in my plans. All I wanted to be was of service to others.

I unfortunately I didn't accomplish everyone of those goals or reach all those achievements but I like to think I still have that big heart. I do cry a lot at movies, commercials, when people are super nice and of course, when I'm sad. I like to think that means I can empathize with others in humanity. I also babysit foster kids, work with clients who have eating disorders and am always finding ways to help spread love.

I enjoy being that nice friendly soul. I fought it for a long time because I was tired of hearing people say how nice and sweet I was. It was annoying to me because it felt like I had no depth. Also, I was nice to my detriment. It was more from a place of fear that others wouldn't like me. If I let them copy my homework or say yes to whatever they wanted then they would surely like me. It was when I started taking care of myself that things changed. Learning self-care techniques, learning what I truly want, who I am, to say no to things that don't suit me then I could actually be a "REAL" nice person. I could be nice in a way that was genuine.

This world has been an interesting place lately and it makes me wonder where is all the love? It makes me want to be even more loving and kind to people I encounter. Every Christmas Eve where I live I get my neighbors something and leave it outside their door with an attached note saying how much I appreciate living by them. This year I took it one step further and knocked on their doors to give them their gifts. For me this was a little harder because I had to look them in the eyes. My neighbors are awesome but to be honest we don't always engage in many conversations. It is usually just a casual hello here and there.  There is a couple Mexican families that speak small amounts of English, except their kids are avid English speakers, a family from Indian and an African American woman. I knocked on each one of their doors and gave a smile as I said Feliz Navidad or Merry Christmas and thanks for being my neighbor. It was much more profound seeing everyone's surprise and smiles. This is the kind of world I want to live in.

Obviously, I'm not the kindest person in the world and some moments I'm not kind at all but the world is looking for our kindness. The other day I was riding my bike on the sidewalk and I pulled over to let a Hispanic man and his daughter walk by. As the man was starting to pass me he had his head hanging low and didn't make eye contact. Then I said, "hello." He looked up, smiled and said hello back. This situation just made me think about how some people might be fearful in the state we are in. This brings sorrow to my heart.

We are humans first and foremost. I love the diversity that people bring. It warms my heart. There is so much I can learn from others with different stories. This can only happen when we reach out. When me make eye contact and smile, say hello, welcome a neighbor or make a small gesture showing our humanity.

It is interesting how when I start thinking about a subject many opportunities pop up so I can see it in many different lights. This week I shared my story about my life in an Alanon meeting and the topic of judgement came up. People shared how if they saw me on the street they would think I had an easy, amazing life. I can see why they think that. I have a calm, sweet demeanor, dress up every chance I get and exude confidence. This was something I was born with, except the confidence part. On the outside I can seem all put together but really my background was filled with a lot of disappointed and torment. It still creeps in sometimes but I've had many years to change my views. This shows we never know what another person has struggled with or is struggling with.

The real story here is that we are all so similar. We can see the outward appearance of somebody and judge them. Their differences may scare us and make us stir clear of somebody completely dissimilar from us. What if we embraced their differences? Make a little extra effort to get to know somebody that doesn't live the way we do or look the way we do. It can change your life.

It is so easy to surround ourselves in our safe little bubble but when we reach out healing starts. Healing for you and the other person, healing for the town you live in, state, country and world. It may sound silly that one interaction can make such a difference but it can ripple through the world.

I may think the shows my neighbors watch are weird or not understand how they leave the laundry room so dirty. But when I see their birthday parties filled with so much love or the smile on their face when they see their kid I know we are all the same.

I challenge you to find more similarities in others than differences. We live in a world that can sometimes be disheartening and mind-boggling that we could all use a smile from a stranger. Awaken the love inside for people that just want the same as you, to be loved, to be safe and have their needs met.

The matrix of the crust on the veggie bottom quiche reminds me of how we are all intertwined and that is what makes us strong. Our differences. It creates a foundation that can hold the mass of eggs, veggies and cheese. Cooking the quiche creates a firm, cohesive bound that can only be broken with a knife. Showing that our society benefits from the melding of everyone's differences. It can never be broken only transformed into a slice that is given with love. Now onward to veggie bottom quiche.

Ingredients:
1 kohlrabi, shredded
2 carrots, shredded (I used a purple and orange one)
1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
1 onion, chopped, caramelized
1 cup chopped fresh spinach
1 cup shredded cheese (I used fontina)
4 eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup of fresh dill, minced
2 tablespoon of olive oil
1-2 tablespoons of butter

Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350˚. Chop onion. Add a 1/2 tablespoon of oil to the pan and add onions. Let them caramelize while you get the rest of the ingredients ready.

2. Shred the kohlrabi and carrots. I use a grater but you can also you the attachment on your food processor to make it easier. Oil bottom of a pie pan, make sure the bottom and sides are covered with oil. (You can also you use butter if you like). Press shredded the mixture of carrots and kohlrabi in the bottom of the pan. Cook for 10 minutes. This is to take some of the moisture out.

3. Once onions are nice and brown add the chopped mushrooms. Add a tablespoon of butter too. Cook for 5-10 minutes, till mushrooms have lost most of their moisture. Set aside.

4. Using a large bowl add eggs and milk. Whisk together. Add the spinach, cheese, salt, pepper and onion/mushroom mixture.

5. Pour on top of the kohlrabi/carrot crust. Cook for 30 minutes, you can put a toothpick in the center and it comes out clean and it is brown on top. Let cool 5-10 minutes. Serve.

As you sit down to eat take a moment to absorb all the people you encountered today. You may not have talked to them but maybe you exchanged a smile or a glance. Try to imagine the diversity that surrounds you in your community and how it benefits you. Maybe there is a Dia de los Muertos celebration you love, you love eating Indian food, you shop at a store that stocks things from around the world or you have a neighbor that you love that is very different from you.

Now imagine if none of that existed. How would your life be? Send a special thanks to the people that are different from you because they make your life richer. This recipe would be bland if it weren't for all the variety of vegetables, spices and cheese. Just like our world would be dull without the many beautiful cultures, religions, traditions and people. I give thanks to you for stopping by.