The strong hold is especially tight when I feel like someone is doing something wrong in their life or their behavior seems to affect me. I want to judge them, make them feel bad when I think they aren't doing what they are suppose to be (per my judgement), be sarcastic about their behavior, belittle them and undeniably punish them all in the name of helping them change. Of course there is also the thinking that if we talk about it over and over that they will get it. Why wouldn't this work? It makes me chuckle inside just saying this. This is obviously a DUH moment. How many of us respond well when people treat us this way? I know I don't.
When someone treats me like they know what is best for me, I think they are so rude and I don't want to listen to anything they have to say. It is actually hurtful because it feels like they don't entrust my own life to me and that I am not smart enough to navigate my own life.
I was taught to rescue. Growing up in an alcoholic home there is lots of chaos. A way to feel safe is to focus on other people then you don't have to focus on yourself. When you are constantly deflecting you lose sight of you and usually become resentful because you aren't getting your needs met. And you think you are "helping" someone when that is just delusion talking.
I realize it is like forcing a plant to flower. You hover over it, water it, give it food, pick off dead leaves but if it isn't its time to flower or it doesn't want to then it won't. Who made me think I could be in control of others? Well I did or was put in that role many times growing up. Sometimes people love it when you are codependent because they don't have to take responsibility for their life and it is a way for people to point the finger at you when they get annoyed with something you are doing or their life didn't turn out the way they wanted. The responsibility of their life is put on you.
Really for me all this comes down to fear. When I feel life is out of control I pick up my magnifying glass and nit pick others. If I can help them everything will be okay. The chaos will calm down and I will feel fine. It's an illusion. People will never really follow my plans for them and I'm actually glad for that. Because I hate following what other people think is best for me.
To be truthful sometimes it is scary to focus on me. I have as much to learn as the next person and sometimes it is the last thing I want to look at. That is why it is easier to look at others and how wrong they are. I can just blind myself with constant deflection but then I never live my life or enjoy my life. My happiness resides in me and I'm the only one that can make my happiness possible.
I embark over and over on this journey to focus on me. I'm really wobbly at times and can barely find my footing but other times I experience the freedom. There is a peace and love for myself that glimmers through when I can keep the focus on me. I can only make myself happy and I can only contribute to the betterment of others when I am filled up with my own self-love.
Now lets get our recipe on. This is a fun simple recipe and has a little bit of adaptogen herbs in it for those times when you are stressing and judging. Let this yummy snack help you sink into peace and self-love. You know when we are focusing on others really we need to turn to ourselves and focus some love on ourselves. Because the person that is hurting is us. Give yourself this luscious creamy snack as a treat for the amazing human being you are!
Homemade Yogurt with Blueberry Puree and Maca Honey Glazed Walnuts
**Note I do have a yogurt maker so you may need to purchase one to make your yogurt. There are also different strains that don't require a yogurt maker that you can just leave on the counter to ferment.
- 1 quart of milk (for my yogurt maker I found 2 1/2 cups is the perfect amount but I would start with a quart and see if you have any left over)
- 2-3 Tablespoons of greek yogurt or I got my yogurt starters on Culture for Health
1. Heat the quart of milk to 160°. You want to keep an eye on it and take its temperature regularly to make sure you don't over heat it. Once it hits 160º pour into a glass bowl or pitcher and cool to 110º.
2. Once cooled to 110º mix in 2-3 Tablespoons of yogurt.
3. For my yogurt maker I pour the mixture into individual jars and cover it with the lid then incubate in yogurt maker for 5-8 hours.
4. Check it frequently to see if yogurt has set. You can tell it is ready when the yogurt moves away from the side in one large mass instead of running up the side. (Mine usually takes five hours).
5. Once the yogurt has set cover it and allow it to cool for two hours. After two hours put it in the refrigerator for 6 hours before enjoying. (Do save 2-3 Tablespoons to make yogurt again in a week. You do need to make it every week so it can be a commitment).
Maca Honey Glazed Walnuts
Maca is a great adaptogenic herb that helps with energy, stress and balancing your hormones. It is a favorite in my house.
1 1/2 cups walnuts
1 tablespoon butter
3 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon of maca powder
1. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set to the side.
2. Melt butter over medium heat. Mix in honey and whisk in maca powder. Then add the nuts.
3. Cook over medium heat for 5 minutes, stirring often until coated and toasted.
4. Pour nuts onto the lined baking sheet and quickly separate the nuts using a spatula or fork. Let cool and enjoy on yogurt or as a snack.
Blueberries and Chia Seeds
1 cup of fresh blueberries
2 - 4 Tablespoons of chia seeds (use as little or as much as you would like)
1. Puree the blueberries in a blender until smooth. (The blueberries coagulate when you put them in the fridge. You just have to mix it up well if you put it in the fridge before using it.)
2. Assemble yogurt bowl with yogurt, walnuts, blueberry puree and chia seeds.
Do one of these recipes, all of them at once but most importantly make it easy and work for you. It is a great way to start using your intuition for what is best for you. The more we focus on ourselves the more we make the world a better place.