Sometimes I wish my life was a book and I could rip all the pages I didn't want out. It would feel so satisfying. I could rewrite all the chapters I didn't like and mold my life into the exquisiteness I always imagined.  But life isn't a book; the pages are cemented there and they made me who I am today. Sometimes I hate that whole idea,though. People say if you didn't have all those life experiences you wouldn't be the same person you are today, but I believe that deep inside, I am who I am.

My birthday lingers in the background of my mind. Only a few days away, which also means my mom's birthday is coming,too. If  you've read previous posts you'd know my mom died when I was nineteen, and I've been without her for fifteen years. It doesn't always make our birthdays easier.  Sometimes I even have the thought that it isn't fair that some people get to have their grandparents for so long when I only got to have my mom for so little time. It feels dirty to just say that. Shameful even. I guess that is what loss does to you. Makes you wish there was a way to bargain, even after all these years.

This brings me to think about how much life have I wished away? Countless minutes, hours, days and maybe months. How often we wish our life was totally different. I know I get stuck in that cycle. I still feel pressure that I should own a house by now, have a B.A., a masters, children, traveled the world, working full time in my profession, a better car and maybe, a total different life!

We wish our struggles weren't ours. I wish I had a more supportive family, that my mom was still here, that my dad didn't drink so much, but those are my lessons. They suck at times but other times I see the gifts. They aren't always bold,in-my-face blessings. They are usually hidden under a massive pile I have to dig out.

When do we find the sweet spot? The silky, smooth life melting spot. The place where we feel our life is beautiful, that we are accomplished just for making it through our life lessons, that we have enough because we ARE enough and blessed because we get to be here another day.

How do we get there?

One moment at a time -and patting ourselves on the back. Has anyone told you lately you are amazing? That life isn't always kind but you are doing a swimming job? The best person to tell ourselves this, is ourselves! Too often it is easier to pick out our faults and where we would like to be rather than give ourselves the love we really need.

We don't get to choose our lessons, or the way life weaves our despair with a speckling of diamonds. I know I wouldn't have chosen any of my hardships if I was asked. I guess that is why we aren't apart of the committee of life lessons. If we could look back at ourselves on the wild, twisted, dark, beautiful, daunting, joyous journey we were on, we would see a glimmer of hope every time. There were points when we weren't sure we could handle anymore that we groveled on our knees with despair. Though scrapped up and battered, we started to see something glistening ahead. It was a gift. It wasn't wrapped in a bow or even easy to see. It was something that we had to dig for and polish. We knew it was there because every once in a while, the blazing sun would reveal a twinkle. Cupping our hands with a gem in the center; there was some hope. Getting up, you actually thank the world around you.

It was just what you needed to keep going.

If I had you over today for sourdough pancakes with  blackberry syrup I'd tell you your life is beautiful. It may not look like other people's or even what you hoped for or imagined, but it was especially made for you. I'd peer in your eyes and hold your hand  while telling you, "I hope you always know that your soul is strong and you are amazing."

I may always miss my mom but she has given me a gift. On September 18th I will celebrate Debbie Williams' Day. I will thank my mom for being my mom and all the love she gave me. I will thank this universe of ours for the all the gifts I didn't know I would benefit from. I will thank myself for continuing to move forward even when it seems impossible.

Today take a moment to find that sweet spot. The spot where your life is juicy, oozing with love for just being you and stepping forward each day.

Now lets make some pancakes and syrup to compliment soaking in our sweet spot!

This recipe is inspired by King Arthur's flour website. I altered it a little with using almond or coconut milk and apple cider vinegar to make it into "buttermilk." I usually add a little vanilla extract too. This is a wonderfully fun recipe because I love seeing the bubbles brewing even after you first mix the starter and set it out for the night! I was lucky enough to get a started from a friend, but you can also look on the internet to find how to make one or find a friend that has one.

Ingredients:
Overnight Sponge
2 cups of Organic Unbleached Flour
2 Tablespoons sugar
2 cups of Almond/Coconut Milk with 2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar (this is how you make it into buttermilk or you are welcome to use buttermilk)
1 cup of sourdough starter, unfed

Pancake Batter
all the overnight sponge
2 large eggs
1/4 cup of vegetable oil
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions:
1. To make the overnight sponge: Pour the almond milk in a bowl with apple cider vinegar. Let sit while you get the rest of the ingredients ready. In a large bowl add the flour and sugar. Pour in the starter and "buttermilk" (almond milk with apple cider vinegar); mix all ingredients.(Use a large bowl because the sponge because it will grow overnight.) 

2. Cover the sponge and let rest at room temperature overnight.

3. In the morning, take a small bowl and beat together the eggs and oil. Add to the overnight starter.

4. Add the salt and baking soda, mix to combine. This is really fun the batter will start bubbling.

5. Warm a pan on medium heat. I like to use a cast iron pan and put oil in the bottom and rub it around with a paper towel. This ensures you don't have too much oil on the skillet. Use a ladle or measuring cup to pour the batter in the pan.

6. The way I tell it is time to flip the pancake is when the top has a lot of bubbles that have popped and it isn't gooey any more. Flip, let it cook for a few minutes. Flip again to check it is done. Repeat. Then enjoy! This recipe makes about 24 medium pancakes. So you can possibly have pancakes for a few days.

This is a wonderfully easy recipe and utterly delicious! Use it on the pancakes above, in yogurt, oatmeal or anyway you want to! You can leave it chunky or get a smooth syrup by blending and straining. A word of caution: learn from my mistake; if you blend this portion it out or it may explode all over your kitchen. My boyfriend and I had great fun cleaning it up.

Ingredients:
3 cups of blackberries; fresh or frozen
1 cup of sugar
1 Tablespoon of lemon juice
1 cup of water

Instructions:
1. Add blackberries, sugar, lemon juice and water to a medium pot over medium heat. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Boil for two minutes then remove from heat and allow to cool a little before blending or serving.

2. This step is optional if you want chunky blackberry syrup. Blend the syrup in batches until smooth. Then strain using a cheesecloth or fine mesh strainer. Discard the seeds. Serve up with your pancakes.

You can store this in your refrigerator for up to two weeks in an air tight container.

My hope is that you enjoy these recipes while finding your SWEET SPOT! A place where you honor yourself and all that you have done in your life. A spot where you find the sweetness of the moment even if it isn't exactly how you want it to be.

I would love to hear from you! Tell me about how your find your sweet spot in your life or how you changed/loved/enjoyed the recipe above! Thanks for being apart of my world!

I'll be showing you how to make a kimchi egg salad sandwich and it makes me think about how sometimes we need a little spice in our life. My spice right now comes in the form of being willing to say what I need and how I am feeling about a situation.

I've always been the type that is easy going or just keeping all my emotions inside. I think mostly it was to hide and not be seen. The roll I played in my family was to rescue everyone and tend to their needs. No need to focus on myself. There is two forms of this; avoidance of the icky feelings and co-dependence fumbling over everyone's needs. Well I did them well. I would say I aced both of those roles!

For many, many years I tried to avoid all the feeling that came up about my family, my mom dying, old boyfriends that took advantage of me and going down paths that everyone else thought was good for me. I'm sure there is copious amounts of other things I avoided feeling about too but right now we will stick with these. The point is I was always pretending. Pretending to be something I wasn't, pretending I didn't have all those feelings, pretending I was confident and just playing out a fantasy of myself. I was never really real with anyone because I couldn't be. If I opened the trap door I might never come back I feared. I started to lift the trap door for just a peak. I found if I dealt with a little bit at a time it wouldn't be so daunting. I realized I wouldn't feel like such an impostor in my own body when I could reflect on all these feelings. Everything I had been trying so hard to avoid gradually made it more possible to be me.

Co-dependency wrecked havoc on my entire life. It came to play with family, friendships, and romantic relationships. It followed me around like a gloomy shadow. Raining words of you don't matter, if you can control them you will feel better, do whatever they want even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't say no and don't listen to yourself. That isn't the kind of rain you feel refreshed after. It is draining and makes you exhausted. This kept me from really knowing who I was and what I wanted. I thought other people knew best for me and I knew best from them. I could tell you everything the other person should be doing in their life. Little did I know I was depriving other people of being empowered in their life. I also wasn't empowered myself. Boy, has this been a journey. I still struggle with co-dependency but it has gotten a lot better.

So lets bring it back to bringing some spice into our lives. For me right now I'm spicing it up with expressing myself. As I said before that saying what I needed, how I felt or NO was a daunting task or didn't happen at all. Behind the scenes I was feeling resentful, angry at others for telling me what to do or not treating me right.

There was so much fear around saying what I needed or my feelings that I started small. I was like a mouse squeaking. People didn't always understand what I was doing at first and a lot of times I would just say "never mind." There were many modes of practice. What helped me get over the hump of learning to express my needs was anger. A lot of times anger is scary it can take us back to frightening parts of our childhood, seeing people get anger was a place of fear and we never wanted to be that person. Anger harnessed right can be gift. It helps move us from places of comfort to a new reality. Without anger change wouldn't happen in the world. It is a like a rocket that will propel us to the place we want to be. The scary angry isn't necessary but the action angry is catalyst to our new self.

I started getting angry about how I had been letting people treat me, that people didn't understand me because I never told them how I was feeling, and that my journey was to be led by me not what others thought was best for me. My spice started rising with practicing expressing myself. It was scary but after I did it each time I felt free. It was a relief because for so many years I had been keeping it inside. It felt like a tornado inside that I tried so hard for so long to keep down. Each time I shoved it back down it got darker and darker. Upon releasing it I felt more peace and the exhaustion started to where off. I didn't have to fight my feelings inside any more.

When you think about bringing a little spice in your life maybe it can be in the form of being more authentically you! Spice your life up saying what you need. No need to fight yourself anymore. Take a dip in the spicy side and expand your level of comfort into revealing your wants and needs. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the freedom you will feel.

My boyfriend loves egg salad and I wasn't always a big fan. I've learned to play with the ingredients and come to appreciate a good egg salad sandwich. This is a fun sandwich that has good flavor and a little or a lot of spice depending on your palate. I love the mixture of dill and garlic paired with spicy kimchi. You can't beat topping it with sprouts, tomato and avocado making it veggie loaded. Kimchi is filled with probiotics making it a good addition for your gut flora.

Ingredients:
6 eggs, hard boiled
2 1/2 Tablespoons of mayo
Fresh dill, minced
2 teaspoons of garlic powder
1/4 cup - 1/2 cup of kimchi
1 large tomato
1 avocado
1/2 - 1 cup of sprouts
6 slices of bread of your choosing

Instructions:
1. Place all the eggs in a pan and cover with water; at least an inch above the eggs. Turn the heat to medium and bring to a boil. Once the pot hits a boil put lid on and turn heat off. Let sit for 10-15 minutes. Then place eggs in colander and run cold water over them.

2. Peel eggs and chop eggs. Place in a bowl. Mince fresh dill add to eggs. Add garlic powder and mayonnaise to eggs. Mix well.

3. Slice the tomato and avocado. On one slice of bread put 3-4 slices of avocado, a layer of egg salad, a thin layer of kimchi (make a thick layer if you would like it spicier), a couple slices of tomato and a layer of sprouts. Top with another slice of bread. This should make 3-4 sandwiches depending on how much egg salad you use.

Enjoy! This sandwich is a messy but isn't life. I hope it gives your egg salad a little kick and helps you reflect on making your life spicy! Explore that anger that can bring you to the next dimension, say what you need and how you feel. It will set off a spark of relief to be more authentically you!

As always I would love to hear your thoughts or what you think of the recipe! Until next time. Thanks for partaking in my lessons and trying my recipes!

I have the reflection bug. Obviously my posts are about reflection intertwined with nourishing the body. I believe and teach my clients that to have a healthy body you also have to work on the mind. I've been lucky enough to have been working on myself for the past nine years. I've been digging deep and finally reaping some amazing benefits.

The beginning was treacherous and I wasn't very good at it. Sometimes I still act like I forgot all that I learned. Ask my boyfriend! Most of the time I can extract something from what I am working through.

What I want to pinpoint right now is vulnerability. This is inspired by Brene Brown since I'm listening to her book Rising Strong. Vulnerability is still scary sometimes. At times I want to shut my doors and not talk to anyone. This hits me after a blog post a lot because I am taking a leap of faith. I share my insides with the internet world and wonder what people are thinking. Is anyone reading this? Can people relate or are they thinking this girl is wacko? But then I pull myself up and venture to do it again.

I wanted to be a do gooder from a young age. So many lofty goals; like opening up free clinics and flying around the world. My ideas were constantly being questioned as a kid. I kept dreaming but then they got dimmer. Growing up in an alcoholic home there was trauma and drama constantly. I also lost my childhood because I was expected to help with my sister and brother at the age of nine. Trauma ensued from many sides and made life seem daunting.

Then the tsunami took me under when my mom was killed by a drunk driver. The record played over and over "Nobody cares about you any more." There was a power struggle with my dad since he thought I was going to steal my sister and brother after my mom was gone. It wasn't exactly a great environment to be vulnerable in.

  Then the saga continued once I was old enough to drink. Putting myself in the wrong kind of vulnerable situations. It was all to numb out!

I found a boy that treated me like a burden and was most likely an alcoholic. I was infatuated with him but  it was because I was looking for validation which he could never give. This person was incapable proving the point again and again to myself that I was unlovable, wasn't cool enough and just plan inadequate. I ended up finding another one of these after I let this relationship go but upgraded to an addict. Finding myself in uncomfortable situations. Torn because I felt like I was always living a double life. I wasn't in alignment with who I wanted to be.

I found myself being vulnerable to the wrong people. The people that took advantage of it and ripped it to shreds. These people were a gift. They helped me realize I was the common denominator and it was time to look within. The last boyfriend brought me to the point where I realized I didn't love myself. I could do all this helping for others and trying to pick up their messes only to find I was the true mess.

There are many stories and details from these times in my life but we would be here for days. And ain't nobody got time for that. (I have to bring a little lightness to this subject.)

I needed to heal. The pain was deep. These guys were a reflection of how I valued myself. Which proved I didn't value myself very highly. How did the healing start? And the healing is still going on because a lifetime of hurt isn't healed magically. Here we are back at vulnerability. That is where the healing started. I embraced a group called Al-anon. It is even a little scary to say that because Al-anon is my sacred place. Never have I been in a room with so many people that are trying to better themselves and who share so much love for one another even if they don't really know each other. It is a place I can say my story with out judgement, shock, shame or horror. Then I am greeted with love. We all get the opportunity to find our sacred place; a place where we feel safe enough to share our trials and be accepted. I know everybody has a different place that provides this kind of space.

At first I hated it. Why did I have to go to a self-help group when all these other people were the problem? What was swirling inside me was such darkness and shame. In turn I attracted these people in my life.

                 I had to unlock the demons.

Even as I think about these times in my life I can feel the tightness in my chest. It was a time that little light came through. Life definitely isn't easy and can be downright overwhelming. Breaking open these feelings creates a tornado. I couldn't find the ground for a long time but eventually the tornado spit me out. I crawled out only to be blinded by the sun and wonder if I'd ever be all right.

I share these things with you because I hope that you find people that hold your vulnerability as a honor. You get the opportunity to be who you are and wade through the muck only to be loved more for it.

My story is now a story. I don't define myself by who I was but know that it helped build me to be who I am. It is helps me relate to other peoples strife and to hold a place of compassion. Each of these opportunities helped me be ready for the amazing man I met six and a half years ago.

I do suggest being choosy about the people you show your vulnerability to because not everyone is safe to be like that with. I do support you letting down your guard with the right people because it holds beauty beyond belief. Our journeys are magical even when they look so dingy. Step out on that ledge and let the defenses down. It's what we all have been looking for.

 This recipe accompanies my last post because I had so much peanut sauce leftover that I needed something to do with it. So here we are. (If you need  the peanut sauce recipe you can find it on my post Passion & Flowery Spring Rolls) Also, I love how it fits into the theme of this post.

We bring our stories with us just like the peanut sauce but many other ingredients go into it to make it a truly delicious and nutritious meal. We may bring our battered disheartened past with us but we are not our stories. Our stories give us flavor and awaken our delicious lives however they are not all we are. We are so much more! Let your life awaken with the beauty that makes up all of you.

Ingredients:
1 8.8 ounce package of Rice Noodles
2 spring onions, sliced
1 avocado, cut in chunks
3-4 medium carrots, shredded
2 cups of mushrooms, sliced
1-2 Tablespoon of sesame oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon of grated ginger
1/4 cup of roasted peanuts, chopped
1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
3/4-1 cup of peanut sauce (recipe is on Passion & Flowery Spring Rolls)

Instructions:
1. Bring a pot of water to boil. (You can use a tea kettle or pot you are just going to pour it over the noodles not boil the noodles). Get a large bowl and put all the noodles in it. Once water starts boiling pour over noodles. Make sure they are all submerged under the water.  If you bought the thin vermicelli noodles they only need to be in the boiling water for a few minutes to prevent them from getting mushy. If you bought the flat noodles (which I used for this dish but both work) they can take upwards of ten minutes. Check them every few minutes to see if they are done and mix them to prevent them from sticking together. Once soft drain and put in a bowl. Then pour the peanut sauce over them and mix.

2. Slice your mushrooms, mince 2 garlic cloves and grate ginger. Put a sauce pan on medium heat and add 1 Tablespoon of sesame oil. Add mushrooms and cook for 2-3 minutes until they become a soft and a little brown. Add garlic and ginger cook for 1-2 minutes. Set aside.

3. Here is the heavy chopping time. Slice the spring onions. Cut the avocado into chunks. Shredded the carrots. Chop the peanuts and mince the cilantro.

4. Add all the ingredients to the bowl with the noodles in peanut sauce. I arranged the carrots, mushrooms, avocado and onions around the bowl like a pinwheel. Then sprinkle the peanuts and cilantro on top. You can mix it up once it time to be served. Voila! Beauty in a bowl.

Enjoy this dish! Contemplate all the stories that have made you the person you are today and dip your toe in the juicy waters of vulnerability you won't be disappointed.

I would love to hear any comments from you. Tell me your stories or how vulnerability has helped you. Maybe how telling your stories has broken the power it has over you. And of course I'd love to hear what you think about the recipe!

Finding sanctuary in my inner world. That is what writing is to me. A place I feel empowered and feel inspired. From a young age I wanted to be a writer. I remembered this bunny book I made when I was in grade school. I felt so accomplished and loved it. I wrote more "books" but through the years I lost sight of that dream. I started believing other people knew what was best for me. I lost touch of what I wanted. I lost touch of what made my fire inside flicker with orange and red sparks.

Writing did provide comfort for me in hard times. When my mom died my journals rescued me from the world I no longer desired. My journals were haunted with intense feelings and struggling against my reality. I moved through that time with my journals being my therapist. They never judged me or made me feel ashamed. I could write my most daunting thoughts down and my journal would absorb them keeping them secret. It was my sanctuary away from my reality. Time passed and feelings changed. I can thank the act of writing for helping me make sense of my feelings.

My journals would come to rescue me when hard realities hit me like a jolt of lightning. I hadn't given being a writer a second thought since being a kid then a few people started telling me I had a way with words. The idea of writing started fluttering through my thoughts. I remember what solace it provided me before and how it filled me with excitement. That is how I embarked on this adventure of writing my own blog.

I still feel weird calling myself a writer. In my mind I think I'm not a writer I haven't publish anything yet or have a small group of followers right now but I do write. Perhaps I'm a writer? A friend of mine was telling me I'm a writer and I thought I guess I am. That is a great feeling. No matter where you are at in your passion claim the name because you already are there.

Shouldn't we all be lucky enough to do what we love? Yes! Today and any day are the opportunity to pursue what makes your heart sing. Sometimes we get lost in what the world, our parents, our friends tell us to do. We believe they know what we need to do. I know I did. When we listen to what other people envision our life should be it becomes a task. It is like wading through a thick marsh. Every step develops into a struggle and the path ahead looks bleak. You look to the sky and scream with frustration, "is this all there is?"

One day the path becomes solid and you see a better way. Maybe somebody sees your talent when you can't. You take a class that brings your talents to the surface. You could be reflecting on what your childhood dreams were and it dawns on you. This is my life's passion. Let it crack open and flow out. Your passion is your gift to yourself and the world. We can relish in our talents even if it something we do after work, we stay up into the wee hours to do, or only get to do on the weekends. It is something that makes our life path blossom with flowers bringing a rainbow to our world.

Now is the time to bring those passions alive whatever they are. Give yourself permission to relish in your passion and make time for it in your life. If you are still in search of what it is reflect back to when you were a child and you had so many dreams. Listen to when other people give you compliments on. What captivates your attention and makes the world melt away? That could be it. I encourage you to find your passion. You will find giving time to your passion enhances the rest of your life.

These were inspired from a yoga day I went to. The Great Kosmic Kitchen made spring rolls with pansies and I thought that is amazing. Also, oh so beautiful.

I used Cookie and Kate's recipe for the peanut sauce! I ended up using the peanut sauce for a rice noodle dish later since I had some left over. It is great if you have some left over too. Thanks for the inspiration both of you guys!

These are so fun and easy to make. The presentation is dazzling with colors! Eating and making beautiful food is one of my passions! (I love combining my passions together.) These are definitely something to impress your guests with.

Ingredients:

A package of spring roll wrappers/rice pancakes
1 cup of frondosa mushrooms or whatever you like, chopped
1 cup of cremini mushrooms, chopped
1 cucumber, cut into spears
3-4 carrots depending on size, cut into spears
2 cups of sunflower sprouts
1-2 avocados
1 cup of pansies
1/4 minced cilantro
1/4-1/2 cup of rice vinegar
1-2 teaspoons of tamari
1 tablespoon of sesame oil
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 teaspoon of grated ginger
*You'll also need a bowl of warm water and damp tea towel

Instructions:
1. I like to cut up the carrots and cucumber first then put in long shallow dish so that they are all laid flat. Then pour over the rice vinegar (suggest starting with the 1/4 cup and add enough to cover them). These should marinate while you make the mushrooms and get the rest of the ingredients ready.

2. Chop mushrooms. Put sesame oil in a pan and turn heat to medium. Add mushrooms. Cook till most of the water is gone 4-5 minutes. Then add 1 teaspoon of tamari (more if you like), garlic and ginger. Mix and cook for 2 minutes. Set aside to cool.

3. Assembly time! You want to have your ingredients close by so you can easily put them in the wraps. Get a bowl large enough to fit a rice paper in and add warm water. Dampen a tea towel and put it over your cutting board or counter. Place a piece of rice paper in the water till soft and pliable about 15-20 seconds. Remove and gently lay on the tea towel. Lay 3 pansies face down on the rice paper. Then add a couple slices of cucumber, carrots, a tablespoon of mushrooms (or more), slice or two of avocado and sprouts on top of pansies. Sprinkle cilantro over top. Remember to not over fill it as it because it makes it hard to roll up. (I've done this many times.) Fold bottoms in like a burrito and roll up. Repeat. Serve immediately. This should make 10-12 spring rolls.

Peanut Sauce
Ingredients:
3/4 cup of creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup rice vinegar
1/4 cup of water
1/3 cup reduced sodium tamari or reduced sodium soy sauce
3 tablespoons honey
1 1/2 teaspoons grated fresh ginger or 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1 medium garlic cloves, pressed or minced
1/2-1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes, depending on preference
1 tablespoon of chopped roasted peanuts for garnish

Instructions:
In a medium size bowl mix all the ingredients  together except the peanuts. If the sauce is too thick add additional water to thin it out.

Serve with flowery spring rolls. There will most likely be some peanut sauce left over so use it as a dipping sauce for vegetables, make more spring rolls, or throw over rice noodles.

I love this in the summer time because it is cool, refreshing and visually appealing meal. Experiment with different ingredients in the rolls. I would love to hear what you think or all the variations you experimented with!

The journey of accepting myself is interwoven with many twists and turns and sometimes nearly falling of the side of a cliff. It isn't always easy which seems counter intuitive; shouldn't we be able to love ourselves just as we are? We are bombarded daily with the idea that something is wrong with us. Commercials tap into are weakest spot to encourage us to buy their product, people growing up might of told us things that made us question who we are, we could of been bullied which chopped down our sapling of self-esteem and the saddest part we believed them.

One of my biggest obstacles to accepting myself has been my skin. My skin is what launched me into my exploration of nutrition which I'll get into later. Once I hit puberty my skin started to set off blasts of irritation that turned into unsightly pimples. My already tender self-esteem was slowly widdled down. I have vivid memories of being bullied in sixth grade. I had changed schools and was definitely in an awkward what is happening to my body phase. There is one memory that stands out. We were on the bus getting ready to go on our sixth grade trip and I was already disappointed I wasn't going with my former school. There was the roaring of chatter ringing through out the bus and I was talking with my friend to the left of me. A boy in the seat in front of me turned around and called me pizza face. I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I just took it in. I became more and more ashamed of my skin over the years. In my bedroom I would come home from school put sunglasses on and look at myself in the mirror. This would help blur out my rupturing skin and I would pretend I was beautiful for a while. I fantasize what it would be like to feel like that in real life.

I tried many things to help my skin. Antibiotics, accutane, retin-A, proactive and the list goes on and on. Some would help for a while but then I was back to the same old thing. I even had a nurse that told me, "you'll never have clear skin." Disappointing and so inappropriate. One day I came upon an article that was about a clear skin diet. I was intrigued. I tried it, I noticed a difference. Then I had a tragedy in my life and wove off the track. Then through the years nutrition was brought back into my life. Living in Maui I was surround by beauty, fresh foods and many healthy living people. I came back to the main land and found myself interested in a local holistic nutrition school which I followed with a couple more nutrition schools. My interest was sparked. My skin would go in and out of breakouts. People have their opinions what my skin needs which became daunting. So here comes the acceptance.

I still sometimes have breakouts but what I've realized is maybe accepting myself just as I am will heal my skin. This may sound like silly woo woo stuff but I think there is some truth to it. Over the years I think I've taken all the tall tales I've heard from others and been ashamed. Also, I think apart of me has hid behind my skin eruptions because then I don't have to accept or be who I am. Hanging my head low I can define myself by my outward appearance. I buy things that will fix my outward appearance but maybe fixing my inward love of myself can solve it. I can continue to be the person that sees myself through my sunglasses because I'm scared to see myself right now. Where do you put guidelines around accepting yourself? Only when I lose weight will I be amazing, only when I have that high powered job, only when I publish my book, only when I buy my new car, only when I'm in a relationship? You get the point.

I challenge myself and you to accept yourself now! When we get all that we want there's no guarantee that we will like ourselves more. There is only now. What if the key to getting where we want is changing the inner pathways to reflect our self love? Accepting ourselves doesn't spew an inflated ego it exudes love, happiness and who we are meant to be. Lets take a fast from thinking there is something wrong with us and accept ourselves just as we are. This reminds me of Bridget Jones' Diary where Mr. Darcy tells her, "I like you just as you are." Couldn't we all be so lucky to love others and ourselves like that. It can be just that simple. Accepting ourselves just as we are can bring about the outer reflection we are desiring.

The blending of these vibrant co1ors makes for a great presentation for your dinner table. Think of the many flavors and colors in the dish as a resemblance to ourselves. We may not love every aspect of ourselves but melded together they make a beautiful display. Honor how amazing you are in this moment. Let the sweet and tangy flavors dance on your tongue while you take in the stunning person you are.

Ingredients:

1 bunch of asparagus, ends cut off then cut in half
1 tablespoon of olive oil
zest of one lemon
1 clove of minced garlic
1 cup of cherries, pitted and cut in half (or cut in chunks)
1 shallot, minced
1/4 cup of slivered almonds
Dash of salt

Instructions:
1. Heat pan to medium heat and add a drizzle of olive oil, enough to coat the pan. Cut ends of asparagus then cut in half. Zest the lemon and mince the garlic. Add asparagus to pan with lemon zest and garlic. Cook for 3-5 minutes until bright green and tender. Place on plate and set aside.

2. Pit and cut cherries. (I realized after making this that the cherries might be better  cut in smaller pieces but it is up to you. I would suggest cutting in fourths.) Mince shallot. Add a teaspoon of olive oil to pan used to cook asparagus. Add shallot; cook for 1-2 minutes. Add cherries; cook 1-2 minutes (just to warm up).

3. Sprinkle asparagus with salt and pour cherries over the top of the asparagus. Sprinkle the slivered almonds over the top and serve warm.

This is a simple recipe but the flavors really compliment each other. Enjoy!