Honor the holidays by being kinder to one another because the holidays aren't always the jolliest for everyone.  I've been pondering this thought, because for some, the holidays are a grave reminder of the turmoil in families, the drama, and what is lacking. This rings true for me.

I feel distant from my family, especially my father. I am usually the one to call him and lately, my calls are not returned. It tugs at my heart and pushes me to wonder "What I have done?" My mentor reminds me though, that it is not my fault, and that he is "in his disease".
Alcoholism is an insidious disease and has wrecked havoc on my family relationships.

My feelings come with tinges of pain, but I just need to be with them to step into new behaviors. It turns out there is beauty in the unfolding of my old habits and wading through those uncomfortable feelings.

My dad has taught me a lot, but was too often was a negative role model, time and time again. I have compassion for him because of his great wounds, but he has let them plague his whole life and engulf his children. He ended up teaching me in a backwards kind of way - making me decide what kind of parent I want to be, and how I am so glad to have stepped into a trail of healing instead of a trap of despair. I choose to heal my past to look at my faulty thinking so I can pass on a new way to my son.

This is the gift of dysfunction. You don't have to do it the way it has always been done!

Old wounds are sticky; they're like a quicksand weighing down your soul, but the only way through is to face it head on.
It gives me joy that I can get out of my own way to honor and cherish the great spirit of my son. "Doing the work" is quiet challenging at times, but I want to pave the way for my son to think differently.
So I say, be kind to others during the holiday season. The wounds are bare and the dry cold weather whips the vulnerable lesions creating a painful sting. The commercials, the hustle and bustle at the stores, people asking how and what you are doing, the photos on social media and the scents in the air can create a sense of "missing out".
It is a tender time that may bring longing for something that isn't, never was or will never be.

Be delicate to one another, as you never know the wounds' of another.
I step back this holiday season to move away from my old behaviors of trying to fix, of enlisting others in making my dad wrong, in wanting my dad to appreciate me or even "get me". I can cherish that he has helped me to create more of a family in my community. I have found so many people that I absolutely love and that treat me like family.

Unfortunately, my dad is a wounded soul who probably will never, ever be able to be who I need, or repair the wounds I experienced. I've learned though, that I don't need to punish him because it punishes me more. I don't need to make him wrong, because as many teachers offer, that bitterness keeps me in the bonds of dysfunction.

 I set him free so I can set myself free.

I have and am building a beautiful life. My son will know my story someday but right now, I exhibit healing with my words, my actions and my absolute love for him.

This holiday season treat one another with love. People are in all phases of their journey and some haven't yet embarked on their healing. There are electric pain centers for some that might be magnified with the holidays. It isn't spoken and rarely acknowledged, but oh, so prevalent.
The smallest gesture can warm the heart of another.

Be kind, be loving, and know that most of us have wounds we are still working on healing.

This parfait is tuned to the holidays with its layers of cranberry, coconut, orange and pecans. It captures beauty, taste buds and self-love.

It reminds me of the layers of our life. It is a mixture of tangy, tart, sweet, juicy crunchy and a thing of beauty. Sometimes our current situation can sink down into the past with all the weight of our thoughts. This is a reminder to stand back and look at the beautiful life you have made. All the little pieces, challenging and joyous, make up the amazing life you are living today.

Enjoy this parfait to lift your spirits, do some self-care and to just know you've built a beautiful life.

4 Servings

Ingredients:

•  32 ounce container of your choice of plain yogurt
• 1  cups of cranberry sauce (ingredients below)
• 2 oranges peeled, sliced then cut into small pieces
  
• 1/2 shredded coconut
• 2 tablespoons of chia seeds
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
  
• *1-2 tablespoons of honey (find it okay without but is a nice addition)

Cranberry sauce:

• 12 ounce bag of fresh cranberries
• 1/4 cup of sugar
• zest from 1/2 an orange
• juice from 2 oranges

Directions:

1. Prepare cranberry sauce in advance or chill in the fridge for 20-30 minutes before making. In a sauce pan combine cranberries, sugar, zest and juice from two oranges. Bring to a boil thin simmer about 20 minutes until it is a good thickness and the cranberries have burst. Stir occasionally.

2. Peel the orange. Thinly slice it then cut slice into fourths. Cutting a couple slice in half if you'd like to put slices on top.

3. Assembly: Pour half a cup of yogurt in the bottom of mason jar or whatever you are using. (This can also be done in a bowl, I would do a single layer over the top). Layer in the cranberry sauce, pieces of orange, shredded coconut and drizzle a little honey if using.

4. Layer another half a cup of yogurt on top of shredded coconut. Add more cranberry sauce, orange pieces and coconut. Then on half of the top sprinkle chia seeds and other half chopped pecans. Drizzle with a little more honey. Serve.

This is a fun, easy beautiful breakfast or snack on Thanksgiving. Also, great with leftover cranberry sauce. And can be made just for the parfait. Treat yourself and honor the melody of your life. Kindness extended to our self first is the greatest gift.

Over the years I have been trying to take a step back in different areas of my life. This is in an effort to release my codependency tendencies. The pendulum can swing too far at times in taking care of everyone else and putting my own needs below others.

I can advocate for others to their detriment and not let their path unfold for them. I think one of the most powerful things I've learned is that we can hinder another and not let them own their own triumphs when we are codependent.

It has taken me years of working on this to see it and still sometimes my eyes are blind to what I am doing until I get a glimpse of the honest truth. Then it is an eye opening and trail bending, tires screeching stop in my tracks.

I try to remember how it feels when I do something that feels triumphant and that I could be potentially robbing another person of their triumphant if I am constantly meddling and trying to make it okay for them. It is powerful learning our own lessons but sometimes it is hard on the sidelines to watch someone struggle.

I'm also robbing myself of my precious time and head space. I've actually never really got that till now. I have read about it and listen to people talk about it but haven't felt it deep in my soul. I have things I am meant to do and ways that I want to show up in my life but I get bogged down thrown into the ocean swimming in a sea of everyone else's problems.

There is wisdom in compassion and love for others. I believe in helping others when they are down but there is a point that it can get sticky. Where you wonder if you are helping or hindering? That is usually a good point to step back. Your internal meter might be off.

I've learned when the voice inside is unclear to just be patient and listen. The answers will come and all will be cleared up. Patience is hard especially if you are a fixer and doer. That is where the stillness and knowing will always bring comfort over the need for fast action.

That uneasy feeling, the questioning thoughts are all there as our little GPS system to keep us on our divine path. We can get lost and take a few too many turns but there is an internal voice that will never let us trail too far.

Take the time to listen a little closer because the more you listen the more it'll speak. I've learned to love this voice because it provides me with peace when I listen. I used to only listen to others and was really terrified to be me or make a choice. I never had peace or the knowing that everything was turning out perfectly because my inner GPS was always being pushed down.

Now I cherish my inner guidance system because it knows for me. Sometimes the path doesn't look like I hoped or I'm unsure that it is going to workout. The truth is it will never workout if I always listen to others. It only works if I truly tune into the meter inside that beeps when I'm in the zone of doing what other people think is best for me. I do have to slow to down to listen and know that eventually my path will make sense.

Oh it's easy, delicious and almost like a dessert. One of my favorite things to make for a snack or lunch or heck dessert. On one of those days where you feel like you are trying to control others left and right, all you hear is static instead of your inner voice and you really just want to hide at home. Make this sandwich and treat yourself. This will lift your spirits and have your taste buds tingling.

Single Serving
Ingredients:

two slices of bread

3- 4 ripe strawberries

1 tablespoon of chocolate hazelnut spread ( I used Once Again Amore Organic Hazelnut Spread)

1 tablespoon peanut butter, almond butter, sunflower butter or cashew butter

1 tablespoon of butter

Directions:

1. Thinly slice strawberries. Spread hazelnut spread on one slice of bread and nut butter on other slice of bread.

2. Place the slices of strawberries evenly on top of the hazelnut spread. Then place the slice of bread with the nut butter on top. Spread half of the butter on the outside of the top piece of bread.

3. Warm a pan on medium heat once warm put the buttered side directly onto the pan. Spread the rest of the butter on the top slice. Cook bottom piece till golden brown.

4. Flip once first side is golden brown. Then cook the other side till golden brown. Serve immediately.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy this little reprieve in your day. A moment for you. I've found when I'm in the mode of controlling it is usually due to lack of self-care. Take this moment to care for yourself and listen to the whispers of your inner voice. You know exactly what you need.

I've been watching and listening to the hoard of commentators in my head lately and they aren't always the nicest of folks. I've been going through a transition of jobs and wanting to ask for somethings that are challenging for me. When I am in this space my commentators are in full force discussing the many stories they have made up about me and others along with what I've done wrong, why I'm not good enough and really instilling the fear in me. It gets me a little paralyzed.

It makes me second guess my choices what I'm supposed to do or want to do along with questioning it all. I know this comes from childhood but what doesn't?! I've talked to other people that grew up in homes that were pretty normal and that self-talk isn't as loud and they are able to move through it a little easier.

I've decided in these moments to be gentle with myself and not push myself to ask questions that I feel I can't do yet. The time will come. I will push through and find my voice because I always do.

The pain comes mostly when I push myself when I'm not ready. Or when I have been playing these stories over and over but intend to take action even though I'm in a frightened state. It is me creating my own pain not anybody from the past.

It is heartbreaking to be living in this block of not being able to ask for what I want at times. It is heavy when I feel not worthy or that I'll be rejected. I get stuck in playing the tapes over and over of what I'd like to say along with how I think they see me which is usually not in the greatest light. I feel like a snail hiding out in my shell just bracing for someone to step on me instead of seeing the possibility that someone will avoid stepping on me or even pick me up and put me in a safe place.

I'm ready to release this. The hilarity of it all is I thought all my transformation from my yoga teacher training "fixed me." (That makes me chuckle a little). It just comes back to the notion that there is always some new way to grow.

What if in these moments we are stuck we just let ourselves be? Tell ourselves, "I know you want to speak up and you will but most of all be kind to yourself. Your voice will be heard and you will get your needs met." Then our bodies and minds would relax. It would feel like a relief because we wouldn't be pushing ourselves to do something that we are feeling really resistant to and beating ourselves up for not doing it.

When the committee of overly loud commentators is getting you down. Rest and honor yourself right where you are. What a concept? We don't have to beat ourselves up for what we aren't doing, should be doing or want to be doing. We can be kind and gentle to ourselves.

Haven't you always triumphed in things you want or goals you have? This doesn't mean that your face is on every magazine or that there is a ton of people talking about what you have done. This is is those everyday triumphants. You got your to do list done, you asked for what you needed from your significant other, you asked for help from a friend, you did a different behavior and the list goes on. You are victorious in your life.

Let that sink in. You are victorious in your life everyday. Too often we look at what is wrong, where we need to do something different and how we aren't getting what we want. That is where those commentators take you down and make you want to hide in your house of failure.

They actually aren't the sayers of truth. They are our deceivers and create chaos in our minds. Let yourself rest. Rest sometimes feels like a dirty word because we feel like we aren't moving or doing enough. But rest can be just what our mind needs to see our path unfold or for us to tune into what the divine path is ahead.

Be quiet and just love yourself. These road blocks are put there to help us push through to grow. Snails leave a trail behind them, not to look back and over analyze how long it took them to do something or beat themselves up for going the wrong way. The trail is there as a reminder of the beautiful journey that they courageously took.

Tap into your true essence and know that your words will be spoken in the right time and the right place. And let the words of "you are a victorious," ring through your body like the vibration from a gong. Soak it in and kick those commentators out. You deserve to see yourself in your true light. A beautiful magnificent being that has the power for so much more than you thought was possible. The expanding will come and you will confidently ask for your needs and desires.

 Ingredients:
6 cups of mixed greens
1 corn on the cob, kernels cut off
1 medium sized delicata squash, seeds cleaned out, cut into small chunks
1/2 a red onion
2 peaches or nectarines, cut in chunks
1 avocado, cut into chunks
1/2 cup of queso fresco, crumbled
1/4 of pumpkin seeds

Salad dressing:
3 tablespoons olive oil, a little more to saute corn, delicata and onion
1-11/2 tablespoon of fresh lemon juice, about a whole juicy lemon
1-2 teaspoons maple syrup, to your preference of sweetness
1 tablespoon tahini

Directions:
1. Chop the delicata squash, cut the corn off the cob and chop the red onion. Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil to a sauce pan on medium heat. Add the delicata squash and corn. Cook for 5-10 minutes until the squash is starting to brown. Add onions and saute for 5 minutes, till onions are softened but still have color. Place in a bowl to cool off.

2. Take a mason jar and add all the salad dressing ingredients. Shake it up to blend all the ingredients together. You can also whisk it together in a bowl.

3. Chop the peaches and avocado. Add the greens to a large bowl. Adding the peaches, avocado, cheese and pumpkin seeds. Once the squash, corn, onion mixture is cool add to the bowl and mix.

4. Add salad dressing individually or to the whole salad. (If you are not eating the whole thing I would suggest adding the dressing to the individual bowls of salad).

5. Enjoy!

Cooking is like a sanctuary for me. It is where my mind stops and I'm focused on making my recipe. Use this time to settle your mind. Focus on this task at hand and let everything go because the moment is where it is at. Let this salad brighten your spirit and know everything will come together like the pieces of this salad. Create a little sanctuary for yourself.

Thanks to Baby Foodie blog for the inspiration!
I love the deep reddish hue of this smoothie. It brings a smile to my face and reminds me of the power of our heart. This smoothie can be a reminder to honor yourself and showing your heart to others. Too often we are guarded and want to avoid our vulnerabilities but that is where life really begins. Sit down, sip your smoothie, share with one another and honor each others life badges. Life isn't always easy but it is better when we drink smoothies and be with one another.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups of frozen mixed berries (I used strawberries, blackberries and blueberry mixture)

Half of one beet, peeled and chopped

1-2 cups of Good Belly tropical green (You can use almond milk, coconut milk or regular milk if you'd prefer)

1 teaspoon of chia seeds

1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon

1 teaspoon wheat grass powder (You can omit this)

2 semi-rip bananas

Instructions:
1. Add all the ingredients to the blender. I usually use at least 1 1/2 cups of Good Belly so it is on the thinner side. Blend until smoothie.

2. Pour in a glass and enjoy.

This is even a big hit with my toddler! Enjoy this vibrant smoothie as a start to your day and a way to honor all your triumphs in life. Remember we've all been there. It may not be exactly the same experiences but we've all had many triumphs that aren't seen on the surface. Cheers to you!

 At times I feel like a seed germinating. Right now it feels that way. Dark, trying to stretch up and find my way out but not quite there yet. But in the darkness there is beauty. I definitely am a person that wants to stay in the positive and leave the dank cold isolation of being beneath the earth behind. I find myself eager to find the answer for things and for things to resolve but it is not always a quick transformation. How do we find peace in the hard times? I'm sure I'm not the only one that wants to know the answer.

I think the answer is in no answer. In the waiting. Can I really enjoy the hard time or times of great change? It really is a challenging battle. I think it is the best challenge of our lives. For me it is a feeling of being very vulnerable but having the unwavering power of an oak tree. I think of when that oak tree was just an acorn driving itself into the ground only to find it's lost in the darkness. Does it say to itself "I hate this. I'm ready to move on and be a big oak tree already." No. It just reaches for the next part of growing into to that beautiful tree. As the  acorn sprouts it stretches for the sun not always knowing exactly where it is but the power is deep inside and in the knowing it will break through.
Right now I am channeling my inner oak tree. The knowing everything works out no matter if it is the way I envision or the way the universe gently or forcefully pushes me in the direction of my highest good. There is strength in my inner core that feels unwavering like the oak tree that can weather any storm.

One of my favorite trees growing up was this beautiful oak tree near our pond that spread its limbs creating an amazing canopy. The grayish bark with vibrant green moss sprinkled throughout was always a magnificent sight. It brought me comfort when I had a bad day and it helped me see the phenomenal beauty that is all around.

I'm germinating right now and there will always be parts of me that is getting ready to sprout. Sometimes I cut off the tops of the sprouts because I'm not ready for the part that is gleaning through. I know it will keep coming up until I am ready to step back, take a breath and know I will be okay.

Nature is a reminder that you keep going even if it seems grim but everything will shift. The sun eventually shines and blue skies breakthrough the clouds. Rest in your inner oak tree. Go inward the answers are there. The oak tree never questions if it will be a tree. Can you trust that the answers are carried within?

 Now on to a nice earthy, lightly sweet drink that feels like you're having a tea party with Mother Earth. Matcha is my go to lately. It gives me energy without the jitters from coffee. Also when a day is hard it is my little sanctuary in a cup. It brings me joy if I'm exhausted, feeling down or just need something for myself when I'm with my son.

Matcha is great for energy and focus. It is like green tea with a boost. Matcha is grown a little differently because they cover the tea plants for 20-30 days before harvesting to increase the chlorophyll content which is what  makes that vibrant green color. Once harvested they remove the stems and veins but grind up the whole leaf.

I'm not a fan of matcha just in water because it is a little too earthy and bitter for me. I like enjoying it as a latte with honey. It is lightly sweet and feels like a wonderful treat.

Ingredients: (Makes 1 individual matcha latte can always double or triple)
1 cup of almond or coconut milk
1 teaspoon of Matcha powder
1-2 teaspoons of honey depending on preference
1/4 teaspoon spirulina

Instructions:
1. Warm up the almond milk over medium heat until hot but not boiling. Feel free to mix a little throughout so it doesn't get a film on top.

2. Remove from heat and gradually sprinkle in the matcha powder. Use a whisk to mix as you are adding the matcha. This is to avoid clumps of matcha; if you put it all in at once it tends to clump. Do the same with the spirulina powder. (I have also used a hand blender to mix if I find there are clumps of matcha.)

3. Mix in the honey to taste. Enjoy sipping on your matcha!

Life is hard sometimes and that is just a fact but we can still love our life in the midst of it all. I will leave you with a quote to contemplate as you sip your matcha latte. This is one of my favorite quotes and reminds me that we are just being refined when we are being challenged in life.